Penny Stones Blog
Archive for the ‘friends’ Category
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010
“Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words.” ~ George Eliot
“A friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.” ~ Arnold H. Glasgow
“One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter.” ~ Francoise Sagan
“The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?” ~ Henry David Thoreau
Tags: conversation, friendship, friendship quotes
Posted in Conversations, Quotes, communication, friends, friendship, friendship quotes | No Comments »
Thursday, December 10th, 2009
Facebook Tip – before posting, assume comments you make on your wall or on a photo will be read by your boss, neighbor and mother.
With the advent of Facebook, we can see and read about friends as well as strangers’ lives. The way it’s currently set up, anyone can see photos and comments in photo albums of anyone they’re connected to and anyone those people are connected to. I’ve clicked on a friend’s photo in an update and ended up clicking through a photo album of a complete stranger.
Here’s an example of some comments I found on a friend’s friend’s photo. Unlike one woman thinks, they do not disappear into the archives.
Mary
thats it, I’m never eating again thx to you skinny bitches!!!
1:10p.m.
Elaine
what are you talking about? I was going to start my diet today and then I remembered you baked me that cake. It was so GOOD
1:11pm
Mary
we may need to start getting photo approval of those in photo before posting, I’d like to request this one be deleted asap
1:56pm
Elaine
they disappear into the archives. How about Bernadette’s profile picture? I look scary in that photo
1:57pm
Mary
tell her, I’m sure she’d understand & post another!
2:03pm
Dan
OMG… Quit your fussing… You are all HOT! This pic was obviously taken early because you’re all sober… 
If you want to see more comments that were written to be more private than public, check out Lamebook.
Tags: communication, facebook, friendship, relationships, social media, tips
Posted in Texting, communication, family, friends, social media | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. It may just be that time of year, but, for whatever reason, I’ve been thinking about the difference between how I communicate in this stage of my life versus when I was younger. Today, as a wife and mom, I seem to talk more about the goings-on of everyday life – schedules, meals, appointments, and all that. It’s more on the surface and the goal is to maintain the relationship and the activities we share. When I was in high school and college, I/we talked more about values, opinions, preferences and the future. Conversations were longer and were building, not just maintaining, relationships.
I remember calling a few of our new neighbors after we had moved into our home in Ohio in 1998. Each time, I expected to talk to the ladies like I did with my friends in California. But each time, after a few minutes, I got the impression that if I wasn’t calling for a specific reason, the conversation was ending quickly. They were busy and didn’t have time to chat on the phone. So I adjusted my expectations and my phone calls.
While maintaining a relationship is good and coordinating schedules is necessary, I think it misses out on “the good stuff”. Until recently, I wasn’t aware that I’d become like my neighbor ladies. Upon reflection, I’m afraid I’ve slipped into the mom mode of talking about surface stuff.
I want to really know what my kids are thinking and how my husband is feeling. I like to share stories and dreams. I want to hear about wishes and fears. But those things take time to share. There has to be a level of trust and time to let the conversation flow.
From now on, I’m going to be more intentional with the conversations I have with my loved ones. I’m going build, not just maintain, my relationships.
Tags: children, communication, communication skills, conversation, family, family relationships, friendship, interpersonal skills, moms, parenting, relationships
Posted in Conversations, children, communication, communication skills, family, family relationships, friends, friendship, interpersonal skills, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
“Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words.” George Eliot
Tags: communication, conversation, friendship, friendship quotes, Quotes, relationships, talk
Posted in Conversations, Quotes, friends, friendship, friendship quotes, relationships | No Comments »
Monday, October 19th, 2009
Argument to Beethoven\’s 5th
Conflicts are a part of life that many people would rather avoid. And I always found this odd. Maybe it’s because my family never shied away from conflict. We addressed problems right away and head-on. I learned how to deal with conflicts in a way that was emotionally safe. I learned the value of listening to another’s perspective and working through differences. After a conflict, I would sometimes feel closer to the person because we came together, worked through the issue, addressed hurt feelings and let each other know how much we care.
As I’ve gotten older and been exposed to other ways of handling conflict, I’ve come to realize that people approach conflicts with different objectives. The two primary goals I’ve experienced are to put the relationship first or to put being ”right” first.
Being Right
When a person has a conflict and they want to be seen as “right”, or the “winner”, they can often win the battle but lose the war. Being right and/or placing blame seems to be more important than resolving the conflict. While it may be unintentional, this approach communicates to the other party that the issue, or their pride, is more important than the relationship. Ultimately, this approach breaks trust. Apologies and humility are generally not a part of this approach. The hurt feelings stay hurt and often resentment builds up. After this type of conflict, the relationship usually becomes weaker. The parties learn it’s not safe to bring up a conflict. Offenses remain unspoken. And when they finally are spoken, a flood of emotion can erupt.
Relationship
In this approach, the person values the relationship more than the issue. Each side listens to the other and usually tries to make sure they understand what the other is trying to say. Often, they both apologize because feelings on both sides are often hurt. Being ”right” is secondary to making sure the relationship is back on solid ground. This approach usually builds trust. The relationship often becomes stronger after this type of conflict because the parties know it’s safe to bring up a problem or conflict and they feel valued. Eruptions usually don’t take place because conflicts are dealt with right away.
The next time you have a conflict, try to figure out what you want your objective to be before approaching the other person. In general, I try to reconcile rather than resolve my conflicts (reconcile: focus on the relationship, resolution: focus on the problem). It’s helped me to keep the relationships with my loved ones to be strong, open, healthy and loving.
Tags: conflict, conflict resolution, conversation, family, good listener, parenting, talk
Posted in Conversations, conflict, conflict resolution, family, friends, kids, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
Monday, September 21st, 2009
What percentage do you think the actual words count for in person-to-person communication?
a. about 50%
b. less than 5%
c. about 25%
d. over 75%
The answer is b, less than 5% of a person’s message is the actual words they say. So what makes up over 95%? According to communications research, it’s all the other variables going on around the words, especially the nonverbal communication: how close they stand (proxemics), eye contact, posture, body language, facial expressions, gestures, etc. The nonverbal communication is seen by most people as “more true” than the words.
I’ve explained this to my kids to help them understand that how they say something is often times more important than what they say, i.e. even though they said they were sorry to their sibling, the message they sent was that they were not sorry. Also, when there’s a misunderstanding, we try to ask, “What’s my point?” or “What am I trying to say?” to help insure that the message sent was the message received.
From the Spring 2009 Penny Stones Newsletter
Tags: children, communication, communication skills, family relationships, good listener, interpersonal skills, listening skills
Posted in Conversations, children, conversation starters, family, friends, kids, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
Friday, September 11th, 2009
A simple guide when talking with friends or family, the Rule of Three is this: When starting a new topic, limit your introduction to three sentences. If your audience is interested, they’ll ask you questions. If not, then move on.
It’s nice to know when your friends are interested, as well as when to move on to the next topic. And if, like my family growing up, you have a family member who does not limit their sentences, you can always set the buzzer (ours was for 10 minutes and then it was someone else’s turn).
Posted in Conversations, Small Talk, conversation starters, family, friends, ice breakers, icebreakers, kids, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
Monday, August 3rd, 2009
It’s important to stay connected but it’s difficult with our hectic schedules. Some mothers have asked me about texting. If that’s how your child is comfortable communicating, then go with it. And let them know you’re always available to talk. Here’s some common texting shortcuts:
B4N Bye for now
BTW By the way
G2G Got to go
GR8 Great
L8R Later
LOL Laughing out loud
POS Parents over shoulder
THX Thanks
TTYL Talk to you later
VBG Very Big Grin
To see more text abbreviations, visit www.netlingo.com.
Posted in Conversations, Penny Stones, Quotes, Small Talk, Texting, conversation starters, family, favorites, friends, ice breakers, icebreakers, kids, parenting, relationships, support groups, supports groups | 1 Comment »
