I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. It may just be that time of year, but, for whatever reason, I’ve been thinking about the difference between how I communicate in this stage of my life versus when I was younger. Today, as a wife and mom, I seem to talk more about the goings-on of everyday life – schedules, meals, appointments, and all that. It’s more on the surface and the goal is to maintain the relationship and the activities we share. When I was in high school and college, I/we talked more about values, opinions, preferences and the future. Conversations were longer and were building, not just maintaining, relationships.
I remember calling a few of our new neighbors after we had moved into our home in Ohio in 1998. Each time, I expected to talk to the ladies like I did with my friends in California. But each time, after a few minutes, I got the impression that if I wasn’t calling for a specific reason, the conversation was ending quickly. They were busy and didn’t have time to chat on the phone. So I adjusted my expectations and my phone calls.
While maintaining a relationship is good and coordinating schedules is necessary, I think it misses out on “the good stuff”. Until recently, I wasn’t aware that I’d become like my neighbor ladies. Upon reflection, I’m afraid I’ve slipped into the mom mode of talking about surface stuff.
I want to really know what my kids are thinking and how my husband is feeling. I like to share stories and dreams. I want to hear about wishes and fears. But those things take time to share. There has to be a level of trust and time to let the conversation flow.
From now on, I’m going to be more intentional with the conversations I have with my loved ones. I’m going build, not just maintain, my relationships.
