Penny Stones Blog
Posts Tagged ‘good listener’
Friday, June 4th, 2010
My daughter came home with this great little sheet on communication skills: Seven Blocks to Communication
Here are seven things NOT to do when you want to communicate well. They block communication in a number of ways. They prove that you are not listening.
- Fidget. Play with your hair and clothes, twiddle your fingers, swing your leg or tap your foot.
- Don’t look at your partner. Look around the room, at the clock, or anywhere else. Don’t have eye contact with your partner.
- Interrupt. Ever time your partner starts talking, break in with a question or statement.
- Ask questions. Lots of them. Every time your partner starts talking, ask a questions, such as, “Why did you do that?” or “Why do you feel that way?”
- Criticize. Tell your partner all the tings that are wrong with his or her ideas, clothes, hairs, friends.
- Disagree. Every time your partner says something, disagree. Tell your partner that he or she is wrong.
- Give advice. Every time your partner starts talking, make a suggestion. Pretend to know a lot more than your partner does.
Tags: children, communication, communication skills, conversation, first impressions, good listener, interpersonal skills, listening skills
Posted in Conversations, communication skills, interpersonal skills, listening | 1 Comment »
Friday, May 7th, 2010
Listening has been noted by executives to be more important than any other talent, including technical competence, computer knowledge, administrative talent, and creativity.
Tags: communication, communication skills, first impressions, good listener, interpersonal skills
Posted in communication, communication skills, interpersonal skills, interviews, listening | No Comments »
Friday, February 19th, 2010
You only have about 10 seconds to make a good first impression. And one of the best things you can do is to make the other person feel like they are the center of the conversation. Ask them open-ended questions. Let them know you’re listening with subtle clues: use eye contact, nod your head, chime in with “Interesting!”, “I see.” or “Tell me more.”
When they ask you a question, keep your response to three sentences. If they’re interested in hearing more, they’ll ask a question. Otherwise, start another topic or ask them another question.
In a situation where there are many people to meet, keep your focus on the person you are talking to and then transition politely. You can quickly change your good impression to bad if you start looking around the room for the “next/better” person to meet.
If you listen and show that you care about the people you meet, they’ll want to introduce you to their friends. They’ll look forward to seeing you again. And isn’t that what making a good impression is all about?
Tags: communication, communication skills, conversation, conversation starters, good listener, interpersonal skills, listening, listening skills, relationships
Posted in Conversations, Small Talk, communication, communication skills, ice breakers, icebreakers, interpersonal skills, interviews, listening | 3 Comments »
Sunday, November 1st, 2009
These tips for talking to teens are from come from The Partnership, http://www.timetotalk.org/
Start Early
“If you’re thoughtful and open and expressive, and you’ve developed good communication with your kids all along, it’s going to be an easier ride.”
— Neil I. Bernstein, Ph.D., adolescent psychologist and author
Talk Daily
Make time to talk with your teen every day, so it becomes routine. That way when you have an important topic to discuss, it will be more comfortable and flow more naturally. Chat it up regularly — about celebrities, classmates, the news or anything to help maintain open lines of communication.
Become Digitally Savvy
Bone up on the latest technology online social networks like Facebook and MySpace and status update services like Twitter and you’ll gain a better understanding of your teen’s world. Texting your teen is a great non-confrontational way to check in, show your support and stay connected.
Tags: children, communication, communication skills, conversation, family, family relationships, good listener, interpersonal skills, parenting, relationships, talk, teens, tips
Posted in Conversations, Uncategorized, children, communication skills, conversation starters, family, family relationships, interpersonal skills, parenting, relationships | Comments Off
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
One of the best traditions families can establish is to sit down and eat dinner together. Families, especially kids, benefit enormously from frequent positive family meals:
- Improves family communication
- Improves nutrition and eating habits
- Improves literacy development among preschoolers
- Develops a protective factor for adolescents against tobacco, alcohol, drugs and low grade point averages
Tags: children, communication, communication skills, conversation, family, family relationships, good listener, interpersonal skills, parenting, relationships
Posted in Conversations, Uncategorized, children, communication skills, conversation starters, family, family relationships, ice breakers, icebreakers, interpersonal skills, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
Monday, October 19th, 2009
Argument to Beethoven\’s 5th
Conflicts are a part of life that many people would rather avoid. And I always found this odd. Maybe it’s because my family never shied away from conflict. We addressed problems right away and head-on. I learned how to deal with conflicts in a way that was emotionally safe. I learned the value of listening to another’s perspective and working through differences. After a conflict, I would sometimes feel closer to the person because we came together, worked through the issue, addressed hurt feelings and let each other know how much we care.
As I’ve gotten older and been exposed to other ways of handling conflict, I’ve come to realize that people approach conflicts with different objectives. The two primary goals I’ve experienced are to put the relationship first or to put being ”right” first.
Being Right
When a person has a conflict and they want to be seen as “right”, or the “winner”, they can often win the battle but lose the war. Being right and/or placing blame seems to be more important than resolving the conflict. While it may be unintentional, this approach communicates to the other party that the issue, or their pride, is more important than the relationship. Ultimately, this approach breaks trust. Apologies and humility are generally not a part of this approach. The hurt feelings stay hurt and often resentment builds up. After this type of conflict, the relationship usually becomes weaker. The parties learn it’s not safe to bring up a conflict. Offenses remain unspoken. And when they finally are spoken, a flood of emotion can erupt.
Relationship
In this approach, the person values the relationship more than the issue. Each side listens to the other and usually tries to make sure they understand what the other is trying to say. Often, they both apologize because feelings on both sides are often hurt. Being ”right” is secondary to making sure the relationship is back on solid ground. This approach usually builds trust. The relationship often becomes stronger after this type of conflict because the parties know it’s safe to bring up a problem or conflict and they feel valued. Eruptions usually don’t take place because conflicts are dealt with right away.
The next time you have a conflict, try to figure out what you want your objective to be before approaching the other person. In general, I try to reconcile rather than resolve my conflicts (reconcile: focus on the relationship, resolution: focus on the problem). It’s helped me to keep the relationships with my loved ones to be strong, open, healthy and loving.
Tags: conflict, conflict resolution, conversation, family, good listener, parenting, talk
Posted in Conversations, conflict, conflict resolution, family, friends, kids, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
Talking is easy and we often take the skills of conversation for granted. But what’s involved in being a good listener? Active listening skills involve:
- Paying attention without distractions and maintaining eye contact
- Reflecting what is heard (This involves using similar words to express back to the speaker what was understood about the content of the message.)
- Showing empathy by identifying with the other’s feelings
- Listening with an open mind in order to understand another person’s point of view
From the Spring 2009 Penny Stones newsletter
Tags: communication, conversation, family, good listener, interviews, listening, listening skills
Posted in Conversations, Small Talk, ice breakers, icebreakers, interviews, kids, parenting, relationships, support groups, supports groups | No Comments »
Monday, September 21st, 2009
What percentage do you think the actual words count for in person-to-person communication?
a. about 50%
b. less than 5%
c. about 25%
d. over 75%
The answer is b, less than 5% of a person’s message is the actual words they say. So what makes up over 95%? According to communications research, it’s all the other variables going on around the words, especially the nonverbal communication: how close they stand (proxemics), eye contact, posture, body language, facial expressions, gestures, etc. The nonverbal communication is seen by most people as “more true” than the words.
I’ve explained this to my kids to help them understand that how they say something is often times more important than what they say, i.e. even though they said they were sorry to their sibling, the message they sent was that they were not sorry. Also, when there’s a misunderstanding, we try to ask, “What’s my point?” or “What am I trying to say?” to help insure that the message sent was the message received.
From the Spring 2009 Penny Stones Newsletter
Tags: children, communication, communication skills, family relationships, good listener, interpersonal skills, listening skills
Posted in Conversations, children, conversation starters, family, friends, kids, parenting, relationships | No Comments »
